What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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