NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
