babies were throwing up all over the place
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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