i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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