my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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