i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize