You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
