But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
