Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
