I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
