belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
