Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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