you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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