do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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