you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
