He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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