If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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