i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
