So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
