I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
