so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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