do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
