Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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