Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
