As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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