I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
