First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Randomize
