having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
