We're like a lot better than the average bears
I look better un-naked...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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