I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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