he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
