So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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