My room smells like vodka and shame
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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