I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
