Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
