Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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