Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
