Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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