he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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