she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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