so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
