i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
