i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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