you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
