three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
