I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
