I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
