i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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