I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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