I can text with my tongue
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize