the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
