I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
