Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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