I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
