Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
