I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
