You're completely useless in the revolution.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
