What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
