I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
