i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I party with great urgency now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
