Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
