Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
