when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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