Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
