I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
