The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
