you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
