Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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