Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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