like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
