I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
