Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
