So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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