I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
