Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
