I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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