So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This can only be settled by a dance off.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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