I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
