that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
