I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
