Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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