And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize