Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
