I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
