some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
