I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
