Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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