honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
