just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize