His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize