yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
