hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
