Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
