Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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