i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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